On Sunday, March 15th 2009 I decided to go for a drive. For some odd reason, known only to God at the time, I pulled over onto a dirt road and saw a beautiful Cotton Wood tree, and parked my car under it. Suddenly, like a dam bursting, I started crying tears of hurt and grief that had been bottled up for quite some time.
I poured my heart out to God about things that had happened over the past two years and events I truly felt had been answered from Him--but showed no signs of ever coming to pass. I remember looking up at the sky which could barely be seen from where I was sitting, and asking God “Is there something that is hindering You from fulfilling Your promises to me?” I sobbed, “If I am to believe You, then…” Over and over again I sobbed this until there were no more tears--just silence between me and God.
I finally started the car back up and drove home, thankful that my kids were with their dad that night. I went to bed with a horrible headache and exhausted; but much to my surprise, I woke up every hour on the hour to the thought, “Without faith.” I got up the next morning feeling horrible, but got ready for work, and before I left, I wrote in my journal, “Without faith it is impossible to please God.” At work I found my had crashed, and we had to have someone come in and work on it most of the day; so I was not able to check my email until much later. I had a few devotionals that had been sent o me, but due to the time, I almost didn’t read them. However at the last minute,I decided to. As I skimmed through the third and last devotional, I was tired and emotionally (and Spiritual) drained, so I almost deleted it, but then something caught my attention, and I slowed down to really read it-- and there at the bottom-- on the last line was: “Without faith you cannot please God” (Heb. 11:6). Needless to say, I was quite surprised!
For the entire rest of the week, Hebrews. 11:6 came up from six different sources! And on Saturday night, (actually right before I went to bed), it was texted to me from a friend who was watching a sermon online, and the verse had just been quoted to them! She had texted me to say, “Guess what I just heard…” She had no idea of the confirmation this gave me, or how it completed the week’s events and what it would mean to me. (Who says God will not use a cell phone?)
On Sunday I went back to that spot under the tree that I had found a week before , to simply ask God. “What do you want from me?” Afterwards I went to the bookstore to browse around, and I came across a book my friend (who had texted me) had mentioned a few days earlier, that somehow I had never heard of. And on March 22nd, I started my reading my first in-depth Bible study called, “Believing God” by Beth Moore.
The reason this was so profound to me, is that I had poured my heart out to God and had written in my journal everyday that week, “God in Heaven, I believe in you, I know that You are real, I know that You exist…” And here I was holding a book that was quoting Isa. 43:10 saying God wanted us to BELIEVE HIM.
That spot at the tree has now become a very special place to me, it is where I continue to go when I need to find peace and have fellowship with God. He taught me something very important that day! Before a person can believe God, you have to KNOW GOD! And He set about introducing Himself to me.